Alright, alright, settle down ya’ll! So, you’re tellin’ me you gotta give a speech at your own weddin’? Lands sakes, sounds like a heap of trouble. But I guess that’s what they do now-a-days. Don’t you worry none, I’ll tell ya what to say, or somethin’ like it. We ain’t got all day, so listen up.
First off, you gotta say somethin’ nice about your gal. You know, like how purdy she looks. But don’t go overboard, you ain’t tryin’ to win her over no more, she already said yes, didn’t she? Somethin’ like, “My wife, she’s lookin’ mighty fine today, ain’t she? Makes all them chores I gotta do worth it.” See? Simple and to the point. No need for fancy words. Them city folks, they like them flowery words, but we ain’t like that.
Thankin’ Folks is Important
Then, ya gotta thank folks. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s a pain, but it’s polite. Start with her folks, even if they ain’t your cup of tea. “I wanna thank [Bride’s mama] and [Bride’s daddy] for raisin’ such a fine woman. She’s a keeper, even if she does take up all the dang covers at night.” See? A little joke in there, keep it light. Then thank your folks, if they’re around. “And thanks to my folks, they taught me how to work hard, which is good, cause [Bride’s name] got a long list of things she wants done around the house.” Get it? Keep it real, keep it honest.
- Thank the bride’s parents.
- Thank your own parents.
- Maybe thank the folks who helped with the weddin’, if you feel like it. But don’t go on and on, nobody wants to hear a laundry list.
Tell a Little Story, But Keep It Short
Now, some folks like to tell stories. If you gotta tell one, make it quick. Like, how you met her. “First time I saw [Bride’s name], she was wranglin’ a runaway pig. I thought, ‘Now there’s a woman who can handle anything.’ And she can, trust me.” Somethin’ like that. Funny, a little sweet, but not too mushy. We ain’t got time for mushy.
And don’t go blabberin’ about all your inside jokes, nobody else cares. Keep it somethin’ everyone can understand. Like, maybe that time she cooked you a burnt supper but you ate it anyway cause you were hungry. “Remember that time you burnt the biscuits so bad they coulda been used for horseshoes? Well, I ate ’em and I loved ’em. That’s love, folks. Eatin’ burnt biscuits.” See? Simple, funny, and it shows you love her, even when she ain’t perfect. ‘Cause nobody’s perfect, not even you.
Talk About the Future, But Don’t Get Carried Away
Then you gotta say somethin’ about the future. But don’t go promisin’ her the moon and the stars, you ain’t gonna get her those. Just somethin’ like, “I’m lookin’ forward to a long life with [Bride’s name], filled with laughin’, and maybe a few less burnt biscuits.” See? Keep it real. Don’t be makin’ promises you can’t keep. Life’s hard enough without addin’ lies to it.
The Big “I Do” Part
And then comes the important part, the “I do” part. Now, you gotta say it loud and clear so everyone can hear. Don’t be mumblin’. “I, [Groom’s Name], take you, [Bride’s Name], to be my wife. Through thick and thin, through good times and bad, through burnt suppers and leaky roofs, I’m stickin’ with ya. Til death do us part, or somethin’ like that.” See? Plain and simple. No need for all that fancy talk. It’s the meanin’ that matters, not the words.
Wrap It Up Quick
And then, you’re done. Don’t drag it out. Just say somethin’ like, “Alright, that’s enough talkin’. Let’s eat!” Everybody likes eatin’, so that’s a good way to end it. And if you wanna raise a glass, go ahead. “To my wife, to family, to good food, and to a life with a little bit of laughter and a whole lotta love. Cheers!” Short and sweet, that’s the way to do it. Don’t make a fuss, ain’t nobody got time for that.
Some Extra Tips, Just in Case
Now, here’s a few extra things. Look at your gal when you’re talkin’ to her, don’t be starin’ at your shoes. And try not to fidget too much. Stand up straight, speak up, and don’t be drinkin’ too much before the speech, you’ll just make a fool of yourself. And most importantly, be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you ain’t. She loves you for who you are, burnt biscuits and all.
So there you have it. A weddin’ speech, plain and simple. Just remember to speak from the heart, keep it short, and don’t forget to thank your mama. Now go on and get hitched, and try not to mess it up too bad. Good luck, you’ll need it.
Tags: [Groom Speech, Wedding Speech, Marriage, Bride, Funny Speech, Simple Speech, Wedding Tips, Advice]
